Monday, March 28, 2005
I dunno why, jiwa kacau since yesterday...actually it started out since the nite before yesterday. I'm not sure of what it is but I don't like it. But the peak was yesterday. To feel like that at the time when we want to be happy and enjoy the things that we do, it sucks big time. Especially when it deals with your heart. But you dunno what's really inside. Hati & minda bercelaru membuatkan jiwa kacau.
Maybe that's why after cooking, I just wanna be alone at the room. Just to cool down and create something. But at the end of it, I managed to composed 2 songs. Ilham datang secara tiba-tiba. Just suits my situation. Well, maybe I'm gonna publish it soon. We'll see.
Ntahlah. Why do I feel this such feelings when I really wanna avoid it as much as I can. I've tried so hard but still I can't force myself. When I'm trying to avoid it, that thing becomes nearer and nearer. I just dunno what to do and just let it spread out through my veins. Sampai bila tah nak jadi camni pun taktau. Does this means I already fall in love? I really hope not. This makes me remember of a song...
"Everybody's looking for that something, one thing that makes it all complete, you'll find it in the strangest places, places you never knew it could be...
Some find it sharing every morning, some in their solitary lives, you'll find it in the words of others, a simple line can make you laugh or cry...
You'll find it it the deepest friendship, the kind you cherish all your life, and when you know how much that means, you've found that special thing, and you're flying without wings...
So impossible as it may seem, you've gotta fight for every dream, coz who's to know which one you let go would have made you complete..." - Flying Without Wings by Westlife
Well, to tell the truth, within these few weeks, my tears were falling once or twice. I dunno why. I'm trying to be myself but I just can't. I've tried and it's so hard. But still I managed to do something. I'm trying to show my real outgoing attitude. But still I can't do it even with my friends!
The thing is, when it comes to this situation, sometimes ada je dugaan. Kena kacau la...itu ini...bla bla bla. Sometimes, people just don't understand although they know it's not appropriate to do it. Prevention is better than cure. That's what I'm trying to say. For now, I just wanna keep quite.
I'm just a normal guy who wants everything to be in order. Who doesn't? But I know, in order to get things right, there's always a barrier so that we learned from it even if we got what we want. I know physically I don't look good. Well, it's up to them.
As a human being, I also have my own feelings. Love, sick, frustrated and what so ever. A man gotta do what a man gotta do. But avoidance keeps me nearer and I really wanna know why. If I like or fall in love with somebody, as I told in my previous postings, I just wanna be friends first. I'm not a typical guy where they wanna confess and they expect to get what they want. That's totally wrong. If I confess, I just wanna let somebody knows so that we both know how to deal with it and know our limits. From that, she will see the real me and in the mean time, I just wanna be friends and we'll see from there. If there's something going on, surely I will proceed. If not, that's a different kind of story. For me, true love will come from friends, good friends or best friends coz you know him/her from A-Z.
3 years ago, I got a friend which is a girl. She was really in trouble with all sorts of problems such as personal probs, financial & family probs. At the same time, there's one guy who likes her a lot. He knows about her probs and he's willing to help her all the way. He was there whenever that girl needs somebody. Eventhough that girl doesn't want to commit with any guys, he understands her and just be her friend. But that doesn't stopped him to fall in love with that girl. He fell in love and told everything to her. But she said she's not ready to commit with anybody. But still, that guy was besides her all the way through thick and thin. And now, I heard they just married. From this story, we can see how sincere that guy was. Another thing, he was there through thick and thin. That's why that girl which is my friend, accepted him as his husband.
### - Sebab itu ada orang cakap, masa tengah susah adalah masa yang paling sesuai untuk menguji seseorang. Kalau masa susah pun dia layan kita baik, inikan pula masa senang.
### - Bagaimana caranya oh kasih ku, ku ingin juga kau mengerti, ku ingin bahagia denganmu, bagaimana caranya...
Posted at 07:07 am by irwandy
Friday, March 25, 2005
Sometimes we feel like, our life is incomplete. You get what you want, you got everything but still, something is missing. You tend to be happy all the time but still you're not. Deep inside your heart you want it and that's the thing money cannot buy. Feels like you don't have nothing. Have you ever encountered this similar situation?
Even though it seems I have everything
But I don't wanna be a lonely fool
All of the women
All the expensive cars
All of the money don't amount to you
I can make believe I have everything
But I can't pretend I don't see
That without you girl
My life is incomplete...
### - You're beautiful because of who you are, not because of what I see... ;)
Posted at 12:33 am by irwandy
Thursday, March 24, 2005
Kadang-kadang, aku tertanya-tanya juga, masa kita tido, kita mimpikan seseorang...adakah seseorang itu sedang mengingati kita? Ada la orang cakap kat aku camtu. Betul ke?
Kalau kita tengah online, tetiba ternampak nick seseorang tu online...pastu hati kita berdebar and nak terus tegur dia...Apa tandanya?...Fall in love ke tu?
Bila kita suka pada seseorang, kenapa kita tak boleh jadi diri kita sendiri di depan dia eh? Adakah perasaan suka tu menghadkan perlakuan sebenar kita?
Jika berlaku banyak persamaan antara kita dengan seseorang yang kita suka ataupun yg kita baru kenali, adakah ianya merupakan satu chemistry untuk memulakan suatu hubungan cinta?
Apa pula tandanya sekiranya kita cuba nak elak daripada seseorang itu, tetapi semakin lama kita nak elak, semakin dekat kita padanya dan semakin sayang. Hairan!
Apa tandanya sekiranya kita bangun pagi teringat pada seseorang, dalam perjalanan pergi kerja teringatkan seseorang, bila keseorangan pasti teringatkan seseorang. Apa makna semua ni?
Soalan terakhir, apa tandanya sekiranya kucing Pak Abu menahan seekor kambing untuk memberi laluan kepada anak-anak buaya yang sedang melintas? Hmmm...
### - Persoalan itu sering di benak pemikiran tetapi masih tiada jawapan. Namun akan ku cari dan mengambil segala risiko yang ada...
Posted at 12:33 am by irwandy
Wednesday, March 23, 2005
Hari ni 23 Mac 2005, giliran ayah pula menyambut hari ulangtahun kelahirannya yang ke 53. Happy Birthday Dad! You're the greatest father in the world. You're my hero & my idol since I was born till I die. No other person can replace you my dear father! I love you so much.
Best kan?...My birthday is on 16th March, my mom 18th March, my dad 23rd March...semua dekat-dekat. Senang nak celebrate sama-sama...hehe...
Anyway, yesterday aku amik cuti. Just to help my younger brother to prepare nak gi Jepun. So, petang semalam kitorang satu family hantar dia gi KLIA. Mak aku sedih sebab tu kali pertama dia berjauhan dengan adik lelaki aku nih. Walau apapun, mak aku tetap bangga. Dia berjaya menjadi pelajar nombor 2 terbaik di Ambang Asuhan Jepun, Universiti Malaya dan beliau masuk newspaper last 3 weeks. Kini, dia melanjutkan pelajarannya di Tokyo Institute of Technology, Tokyo, Japan. The best engineering school in Japan. Dia amik fizik. So, my bro, belajar baik-baik. Hope you can settle down there. We're gonna miss you. Good luck!
### - Jangan lupa belikan abang digicam yang canggih2 kat sana... :D
Posted at 11:23 am by irwandy
Tuesday, March 22, 2005
When you are together with that special someone, you pretend to ignore that person. But when that special someone is not around, you might look around to find them. At that moment, you are in love.
Although there is someone else who always makes you laugh, your eyes and attention might go only to that special someone. Then, you are in love.
Although that special someone was supposed to have called you long back, to let you know of their safe arrival, your phone is quiet. You are desperately waiting for the call! At that moment, you are in love.
If you are much more excited for one short e-mail from that special someone than other many long e-mails, you are in love.
When you find yourself as one who cannot erase all the messages in your answering machine because of one message from that special someone, you are in love.
When you get a couple of free movie tickets, you would not hesitate to think of that special someone. Then, you are in love.
You keep telling yourself, "that special someone is just a friend", but you realize that you can not avoid that person's special attraction. At that moment, you are in love.
While you are reading this, if someone appears in your mind, then u are in love with that person. (GOTCHA!!!!!)
### - errr...sape eh yg aku pk tadi..hahaha...:p
Posted at 12:33 pm by irwandy